In the Spirit of World Mental Health Day
Social Media has recently been showing loads of support for World Mental Health Day. I find myself reading these posts “check on your friends who are hiding” or “reach out to those who never ask for help.”
Then…I find myself wondering, “but at what point did it become my friends’ responsibility to reach out to me? If I am struggling, why do I expect them to pick up on (or even know) the signs?”
There’s a few different things I believe about friendship and support.
It’s not always 50/50, and it’s definitely not 0/100. It’s a delicate balance of 60/40 or 70/30. It’s not a game we are keeping score. Sometimes you reach out to let them know what you need, sometimes they reach out to vent or chat. Let’s remember that, and as long as it’s not 0/100 (think logically, not emotionally here), it’s going to be ok.
We are the best source of support for ourselves. We cannot rely on other people to reach out when we need them, and it’s simply not their job. Even in therapy, I cannot predict if my client is having a tough week, and the boundaries of our jobs do not encourage “checking in” between sessions. If you need something, reach out, but also try and cope on your own first. Therefore, we are not relying on others each time. Therefore, they won’t feel “support burn out.” Therefore, we won’t feel guilty for coming to them each and every time. Therefore, you are taking some control over your own emotions and becoming your own primary support person.
Sometimes people don’t want the support they are offered. Sometimes the people offering support are not who they want to hear it from. So, please reach out to those who are important and valuable, and let them know how to help you (wondering how? See my blog post “The Best Kind of Support”).
Ideally, we wouldn’t be learning about World Mental Health Day from a school hallway poster, social media, or a commercial. We would be learning about it from our youngest years in elementary school. It would be discussed often during the school year. It would be processed at home with our loved ones. Therapy and mental health work would be normalized. That’s my hope for the future.
Now, in the depth of depression, sometimes we do not have the energy to reach out to those we love, or sometimes we are too defeated. That’s very common and valid. Sometimes we feel shame for talking about our feelings, or we do not have anybody we trust for support. We worry about being a burden, or being judged.
There are other resources out there, free and confidential:
