Do we like Tradition?

Blog post just in time for the holidays!

Generally, people will have a tradition or a set of traditions that they enjoy. If you think back, you probably inherited that tradition from your first (primary) family.

Sometimes it can be a movie or set of films you enjoy watching, sometimes it can be a specific food item you must have during the specific holiday you are celebrating, or sometimes it is a very regimented set of places you go during each day around the holidays season.

However, not everyone’s favorite tradition matches with another. When you move past your first family, and you merge into a stage in life where you create a chosen family, how do you combine and balance each person’s loved traditions?

A large group of clients that I work with end up having a very tough conversation with their partner, at least a handful of times, regarding holiday traditions. They typically end up needing to process this in therapy as well.

November is usually the start.

How do we satisfy the expectations of loved ones while also honoring our next chapter of life?

How do we incorporate what we really want to do while not disappointing or angering others?

How do we not end up exhausted, overstimulated, and agitated after a few months of pleasing everyone else but ourselves?

-

Here’s the thing:

There is never a perfect answer.

There is never going to be a perfect balance without making changes together.

There is never perfect timing to start making changes.

There is never a balance that is going to please everyone.

You likely will upset family members. You likely will feel guilt.

At some point in your life, for one reason or another, you fell into the expectation that you must continue all of your old traditions without permission to create new ones.

However, when you move along in life, or integrate with another person, these things must be addressed.

Starting a new chapter (whether you have moved, found a wonderful friend group, partnered up with a loved one) is just that: new.

New = Change.

You were never meant to continue doing the same things as they have always been. That’s not realistic of humans, and it is not realistic of your life.

So, have those conversations with yourself, your friends (who may have become your chosen family), or your partner. Make those changes. Create some discomfort, apologetically or unapologetically. Advocate for yourself.

Figure out what works for you.

People will adjust. And if they don’t…well I guess you have something new to process in therapy.

Reach out…let’s make a plan for your new chapter of happiness.